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Bull In A China Shop

by Party Nails

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Carimatic Ecstatic
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about

I first started writing this in March 2020, when no one knew what was going on or how long it was going to last. I was having dreams about my childhood and being stuck in the middle of nowhere with a broken car (feeling trapped), and when I would wake suddenly, for the first time, I wanted to learn more about coercive control and abuse in relationships (also feeling trapped). I'd experienced it, and I'd always just wanted to forget about it.

But when I sat down to mix, I realized: it's me. I'M THE BULL.
One of the reasons I love songwriting so much is because it allows many narratives to coexist in one moment: I'm the bull, and so is my past abusive partner.

Bull In A China Shop is about being your own worst enemy, wanting to shut your brain off, and fighting for your life to survive the hell you've found yourself in. The mind can make a heaven of hell and a hell of heaven. And sometimes up is down and right is left and you have no idea where to start. This is that. This is for you.

lyrics

I thought it was alright
To let you in my world
That a bull inside a china shop
Could not get hurt

And if you had told me you were nervous
I would not have believed you
But no, you didn't

I ask you can you come over tonight
I want you here
I remember things the way they were
But now it hurts

And can we just recreate the moments we were in love?
Play them over and over and over again
Until it's us
Until it’s real?

Trying to forget all of the
Trying to forget all of the
Trying to forget all of things inside my brain
My brain
My brain
Inside my brain
My brain
My brain

I thought I could wait
For you to come me
But instead I pull you by a thread
Maybe that's mean

And every night I am dreaming
About you in my arms
I can sense you there
The way you cared, it felt so warm

And can we just recreate the moments we were in love
Play them over and over and over again
Until it's us?

Trying to forget all of the
Trying to forget all of the
Trying to forget all of the things inside my brain
My brain
My brain
Inside my brain
My brain
My brain

I’m on the front porch in the pouring rain
Trying to forget all of the things inside my brain
I never wanted to be scared of you
I don’t want to be afraid
When you get angry and you punch the wall
Tell me I’m shit, that I’m worth nothing at all
Just know that I saw you then
And I know that you’re pretending

Trying to forget all of the
Trying to forget all of the
Trying to forget all of the things inside my brain
My brain
My brain
Inside my brain
My brain
My brain

credits

released May 26, 2023
performed by Party Nails
written by Elana Carroll
produced by Elana Carroll, Benjamin Greenspan
engineer: Elana Carroll, Benjamin Greenspan
vocals, synths, programming, bass: Elana Carroll
guitar, synths, programming: Benjamin Greenspan
synths, additional programming: Luke Smith
drum programming: Anna Crane
guitar solo: Vixen
mixer: Elana Carroll

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Party Nails Los Angeles, California

Party Nails is LA-based musician Elana Carroll.

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